The First Time.

 

The First Time.

Stephanie Strauss Hall

 

The first time I took my infant daughter out for a walk to the local coffee shop- I wasn’t quite ready to be a “public mom.”

 

My daughter and I had spent the first two weeks of her new life snuggled in the warmth of our cozy home.  We got to know each other that way; her wearing little snap-up onesies and wrapped like a burrito in pastel receiving blankets, myself in plaid pyjamas or yoga pants with my hair thrown in a ponytail.  We were comfortable.  We took our time getting used to each other… in private.

 

The sun made a rare appearance one west coast, spring morning and I knew it was high time that the baby and I get out for some much needed fresh air.   My husband and I, (being first time parents and all) had just purchased the cadillac of strollers, and we could barely fathom the sheer amount of possibilities that this stroller could offer.  It had all the bells and whistles –multi-terrain tires and suspension – this stroller might even fly to the moon if you set it up correctly.  We even bought the original stroller color:  bright orange. 

 

I like orange, but not until that very day on my walk did I feel so obvious, so conspicuous, and so glowingly noticeable that at the extension of my fingertips was my new found role and responsibility.  The stroller – the striking, prominently orange stroller – held my baby.  Not only that, it held how the public now saw me:  mom.  Public mom.

 

Before now, when I was in public I was used to being perceived in different roles:  a woman, a young woman, a career woman, an attractive woman, a married woman, a pregnant woman, but still a woman.  Overnight, I felt as though I had gone from woman to mom.  Everyone looked at me differently.  Women looked at me differently.  Men looked at me differently. 

 

The stroller defined me.  Like a bright, flowing white dress on a bride, the stroller was an iconic symbol of motherhood.  I was uncomfortable with it.  There was no hiding from it.  It was there.  I was there.  My baby and I, with our stroller, were there and we were public.  I was Mom.

 

Slowly, with each outing, each walk, each stroller set-up in the mall parking lot, with every public appearance, I gradually began to wear the mantle of motherhood with more ease.  I won’t say that it came simply.  The fresh green spring buds from the first public walk had turned into dark, heavy, fall foliage before I began to feel poised and content at the helm of my stroller.

 

Today, my toddler daughter and I take a daily walk with the same orange stroller.  I walk with my head held high and I am now armed with the usual watered down apple juice in a sippy cup, goldfish crackers, and fruit snacks.  There is no more clandestine mom awkwardness.  I am a recognized mom.  I am known as a mom.  I am a mom who has been around the block.

 

 

ocean.

steph’s shot.

incrediblehusband’s shot (he’s good, eh?)

to better things,

steph

 

ferry.

the ferry.

about to sail back home after a weekend on the island.

loving the sun.

(the only 15 minutes both ferry rides where we weren’t fogged in).

loving the sun!

 

to better things,

steph

 

portrait of a mommy.

once you start this fantastic journey of sending your kid to preschool, you are on the receiving end of daily art work.  yes- art. work. every. time.  that little pink backpack opens up and all of a sudden the fridge is covered in replications and representations of things that your little kid might find important.  this week’s drawings included:  her new teacher, an octopus (huh, random?!),  papa, daddy and mommy. 

yes- my own portraiture drawing.  i’m seriously thrilled.  it’s awesome.  green IS my favourite colour.  i have long(ish) hair in the drawing.  apparently i like to stand on one foot?  i may be doing a twirly pirouette or some such acrobatic thing.  notice that circle in my middle?  i asked little A about that… yup, “it’s the baby in your tummy,” she said.  i’ve never had a dandruff problem- so at least i like to think that all the “fluff” and dots on the far left hand side are confetti.  because,  you know…  i illicit confetti filled fun wherever i go!

to better things (more drawings?),

steph

preschool.

this week toddlergirlstarted preschool.  sigh.  momma loves it, that’s for sure.  even though it’s a blink of only two hours or so, it’s what i need to have a small break in my day from a little person that exudes the energy of lightning. 

the night before her first day- as i was labelling her shoes, her backpack, her snack containers in black sharpie marker with her name, i fully admit that i shed a little tear.  in the past month toddlergirl has gone from a diaper clad little one to a potty trained,  panty-wearing big girl.

i’ve long realized that the name “toddlergirl” no longer seems to be appropriate for where she is at in life.  “preschoolergirl” might be the more name worthy title for right now.  although, in my beginner blog cataloguing i soon realized that her age appropriate title would only last so long and then she would outgrow it.  not a huge ordeal.  except all my archives will be messed up with the multi name/one person thing.  but i also can’t name her toddlergirl forever… so toddlergirl will also now be known as “little A”  because that will stay the same regardless of her exact stage in life.

i asked her to show me her backpack.  what i really meant was “turn sideways so that i can see you backpack.”  instead she leaned, way, way forward.  “look mommy at my backpack!”

she did great at her first day in preschool and was all nonchalant about being a “big kid.”  i’m the frenzied mom that asks “how was your day? what did you do? did you meet any new friends? what were your teachers like? how was it? how was it? how was it?!” 

she blinks, shrugs her shoulders and is so casual about it all.  “it’s okay, mom. it’s good.”

hmph. 

i’m sure that’s the beginning of many years like this.  being the prying  inquiring mother who gets little to no answers. oh well. 

to better things,

 steph

post-it art.

i get a weekly newsletter from the Color Marketing Group  (a group that predicts and does color forecasting – which is useful for business, marketing, art, photography…  you name it!) 

expected to be a hot colour for 2009 is a yellow “mimosa” type colour.  yellow is refreshing and energetic and is hopeful (especially during the rebuilding of the economy).

this week’s newsletter included some very interesting links to art work using the medium of post-it notes.  the finished result has a very pop-art, andy warhol-esque type of feel.  i love the creativity! 

check out the links:

http://www.colourlovers.com/blog/2007/08/31/post-it-art-productivity-in-many-wonderful-colors/

http://www.3m.com/us/office/postit/pastpresent/stories_art.html

http://weburbanist.com/2008/01/24/more-unusual-art-from-everyday-materials-16-post-it-note-pranks-sculptures-and-murals/

to better things,

steph

my new favourite photo.

black and white for the expressions.

 and colour for the warmth.

(i can’t pick which one i like better!)

christmas wrap-up.

christmas involved:

pie baking.

crazy amounts of snow.

hair long enough for a first ponytail.  and all the flipping of said hair.

reading the christmas story. a magical christmas eve.

my childhood dollhouse- renovated and regifted to toddlergirl.  (who gasped and clutched her hands to her heart upon seeing it).

incrediblehusband’s 30 birthday. (aka: christmas day). a wireless remote for my camera.  testing it out- fun!

playdoh cookie making with grandpa.

wii fun.

and a wintery drive to visit our friends.

to better things,

steph

snow. snow. snow.

serious snowman building.

 snow angel. toddlergirl & daddy.

starting a snow fight.

 family photo… toddlergirl runs away and laughs!